Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Two wrongs don't make a right

Wrong number + wrong response = horribly awkward/funny phone call.

I accidently harassed some poor soul when he accidently called me Friday night.

Here's the background:
Mustang & I had a rather serious discussion Friday. The gist is Mustang has developed a habit where he'll call me to vent for about 10 minutes & that's it. He isn't asking for help or advice, just needs to blow off steam. That's fine, I want to be here for him, but it's starting to be rather frequent. I tried to convey to him that his venting brings me down...he feels better after venting, but in the process he transfers the negativity to me. So when we hang up, I feel like poo. This is especially hard when I'm at work, he calls & vents, and then I'm supposed to just proceed with my day. Ick.

Anyway, we talk and Mustang leaves my house pretty early...9:30, I think. We were both tired and he had to be at work at 6 a.m. the following day.

Around 10 p.m., I'm nearly asleep and my phone rings. I assume it was Mustang calling to apologize/say goodnight (as he tends to do). It's a male voice that's not a white guy. I assume it's Mustang putting on his best funny voice to break the tension and make us laugh. The conversation:

Me: Hello?

Voice: Hello?

Me: (assuming Mustang is trying to be funny. Imagine the Seinfeld voice saying hello.) Hellllll-oooooooooo!

Voice: Is David there?

Me: Oh, who's David?? Is that your name now?

Voice: Uh, I got a page from David that was this number. Is he there?

Me: (now realizing, CRAP! That's not Mustang doing a funny voice, that's a stranger!) Uh, no. I'm sorry - you have the wrong number.

Hang up.

Poor guy. I turned on my light, looked at my caller ID, and sure enough, some poor fellow named M. Gupta really did call my number by accident looking for David.

Hope he found him & wasn't too offended by my dorkiness.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Hard to get

Tonight I had no plans...no working late, no family, etc. Just lots of time available to see Mustang.

But at 5:20 he calls and says he'd like to have some down time alone tonight.

I was bummed, but since he's on call this weekend, I can see where he's coming from. He'll have no free time this weekend - he even has to work on Memorial Day. And in truth, I know it's healthy for us to spend time alone so we don't lose our individuality and I have some solitude so I don't become grouchy.

So I go home, watch Shopgirl (which I've had overdue from Blockbuster for a week), take the movie back, and go to the gym. Once I got out in public, I was glad for the time off. I drove around in the warm summer night, windows down, feeling good. Come home to a message on the machine from Mustang. Take a shower & will call him when I get out.

But he beats me to the punch - calls again: "Where have you been? I've tried your home and cell. I was worried."

"Well, I ran errands and went to the gym. And thank you for suggesting our time off today. I needed that. It felt good to get out."

Which disappointed Mustang, because his first call - nearly an hour ago - was because he caved & wanted to come over, after all.

HA! I was hard to get! And I wasn't even trying!

Okay, okay, let's be grown-ups here. Healthy relationships aren't about playing games.

(But secretly, can I be a little proud I was hard to get?)

Beat it with a Route 44

Short post here - I can't resist.

I went to Sonic at lunch today for my new favorite, Diet Cherry Lemonade. Two strange things occurred:

1. They were playing "Beat it" on Sonic radio.

2. A police car went through the drive-thru with one cop driving, his partner in the passenger seat, and what I can only assume, a suspect in the back. Suspect had on a blue bandana & looked pretty rough. Is this legal to take a suspect in a drive-thru?

Coincidence? I think not. Remember, the video concept for "Beat it" was a gang fight...

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Are you reading this, Mustang?

I'm suspicious.

I think Mustang has found my blog. Judging from how he acted yesterday, I think he may have read yesterday's post!

"You know I care about you so much...I'm just not ready to say certain words yet."

Also said yesterday, after I told him I talked with Amy B on the phone:
"Sometimes I wonder what you tell your friends about us. If you say as much good stuff about us as you tell me."
This leads to the blog-reading suspicion because I haven't really told him my worries about his discussing his ex...so I am, in a way, telling my friends something non-positive that I haven't told him.

And that begs the question, why not? Why is it that I'll say things here that I haven't told him in person? I think the only example is the ex...

So Mustang, if you are reading this, even though your ex comes up more than I like, I don't fault you for it. You're healing from her, and by all means, I'd rather you work through those emotions now, than ignore them and they come back with a vengence later down the road.

Maybe I do express feelings here that I hadn't fully disclosed with Mustang. But surely he has thoughts about me that he hasn't shared, right?

Why does this girl change her mind so often? Why does she cry for absolutely no reason? Does she even know why she's crying? Why is her hair so big?

Remember, Mustang, if you survive this dating experience with me, a support group awaits you. There are at least 6 other guys nationwide who have wondered these questions and more. You can make t-shirts: "I survived dating this woman." Or, you can start the group meetings, "My name is Mustang and I'm married to a Ya-ya." Group reply: "Hi, Mustang."

Monday, May 22, 2006

Also for the record...

It's frickin freezin in my office today, Mr. Bigglesworth.

Let's talk about ex

Can I just state for the record, I hate Mustang's ex?

Well, I don't hate her - heck, I haven't even met her. But I do hate what she did to him.

Nearly one year to the exact date I met Mustang, he met another girl on eHarmony. Sparks flew. He quit eH after a month. They got serious right away. The M bomb was dropped a lot. Basically, short of a ring, they were nearly engaged & planning a life together. But gradually he came to realize she treated him very badly and their relationship was based on work & lonliness. They broke up in October.

Between October & March, he dated some. Got on eH again. And was very devoted to his bitterness.

He has every reason to be bitter. Things didn't work out and he planned for a life that didn't happen. I understand he needs time to heal, but in the meantime, the ex is a serious cramp in my style.

How often can an ex be mentioned before the red flag goes up?

The occasional here & there is fine:
"Ew, there's a Honda Pilot. The ex drove one. Ugh."
"I haven't been to Applebee's in a long time because we had a major fight there."
.............etc.

But where it really counts, is in the emotions. He's gun-shy because he was hurt. Slow to drop the M bomb. Heck, slow to drop the L bomb. Slow to meet my family or friends.

He just doesn't want to repeat the same scenario. And at first glance, this does look like the same scenario....both relationships started on eH, both started dating in April, both had immediate sparks. Heck, his ex even went to OSU.

But as soon as I began to wonder if she comes up too often, something happened: I did the same thing to him.

Me: "What kind of cologne are you wearing?"

Mustang: "Hugo Boss. Do you like it?

Me: "Eh, that's what I thought. And no, I'm not a fan. My ex wore it."

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The E Harmonici Code

In the spirit of The Da Vinci Code madness....I have a conspiracy theory about eHarmony. This is something I noticed a while back but haven't mentioned since my blog became all about Mustang. And yesterday's post was totally off topic. Random.

Anyway, as my membership in eHarmony progressed, and I became more involved with Mustang and less interested in the other dudes on eH, I noticed something. eHarmony didn't send me as many matches as before.

When I first signed up, I checked my eH account frequently - probably 2 or 3 times a day. And I corresponded with matches more - whether it be closing matches with the Good Ol Boys, or sending questions to prospects, or reading about how some eH dudes want a woman who's sexually experienced. Right. Anyway, I would make an effort to respond to a guy ASAP and keep up with my account.

During this time, eH would send me 5 matches a day. Maybe 2 of those 5 were prospects - they could spell, they weren't garbage collectors, or they didn't have their eyes closed in their picture. These stories are all true.

After mid-April, when I slowed down my eH correspondence, they slowed down the matches. I guess I did modify my settings - at first I accepted matches from the region (KS, AR, TX) and later I changed to OK only. But eHarmony started sending me matches much slower - about 1-2 a week!

Therefore my theory: the more active you are in your eH account, the more matches they'll send you.

So if any of you try eH or tell others to try it: I recommend you stay very active in your account to maximize your match odds.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Sporatic blogging: another chapter in a long life of on & off journaling

Ugh, so I haven't blogged in a while. Sorry. Truthfully, I'm torn whether or not to continue with the blog. I don't like it hanging over my head, becoming yet *another* thing I'm falling behind in, or another place of good intentions but bad follow-through. Apparently Urban Dictionary says this is known as blogger guilt.

Truth is, although the blog is fun, I still like to keep an old-school paper journal, too. 1) I somehow enjoy the tactile experience of writing more than typing (quite the contrary to others my age, I'm sure). 2) I can share a lot more (work, emotions, etc) in my journal than I can here.

I have been a journal girl for years. I think I started journaling when I was a sophomore in college. Well, no, wait....earlier.

I had a diary in 2nd grade. It was a birthday present I picked out. One of those gifts you wish for as a child where you plan out every detail...it had to be pink, with flowers, lined, and most of all, it had to have a lock. I still have it, and it's pretty funny reading now. In one studious entry, I wrote about my family background, in hopes that if the diary is found in the distant future, it would chronicle our lives. I think this was inspired by some school lesson about genealogy or something. But the majority of the entries: boys. Even as an 8-year-old, I'm writing about boys. I was boy-crazy from birth. Which begs the question, why I would need eHarmony.

In college I watched Oprah like every other college girl. Remember when Oprah was in her "gratitude" phase? This was circa "remembering your spirit." Anyway, I jumped on the bandwagon and kept a gratitude journal. Concept: before you go to sleep, write down 5 things you're thankful for. Actually it's a very good idea. Somedays it was easy, being thankful for some exciting things that happened that day. Other days it was a struggle to think of 5. Anyway it was great because it put my mind in a positive outlook just before I went to bed.

I also started a prayer journal in college. I discovered that somehow my devotionals and prayer time was more productive (AKA not falling asleep while praying) when I wrote my prayers down instead of saying them. I still keep a prayer journal today.

In 2001 I started a red journal to chronicle my life in DC. The red was inspired, of course, by Bridget Jones' Diary. I bought my journal from the House of Representatives office supply store - with my own money, people. Anyway, that got to be an interesting journal because it documented 9/11.

Which leads to another journal...my rant journal, where I express emotions that are too messy for public sharing. Journaling got to be very important for my health in a post-9/11 world. There is something indeed theraputic about journaling. Once it's written down, I can let go of my feelings and stress.

Finally, the journal I should keep most often but I love to skip the most: my Weight Watchers journal. Oh! Sorry, that would be PointTracker, to use my proper WW lingo. I should have started it up again yesterday, considering my scary weigh-in. But have I yet? Nope. Maybe later today...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Update - Mustang's mom is OK

Quick update, people. Mustang's mom had her surgery and it went well.

And Mustang's sister asked him to thank me for helping yesterday. =)

Brownie points!!!

Relationship test #2

Bad news, kids.

Mustang's mom went to the ER Tuesday. She's having emergency surgery Wednesday morning.

Apparently they've been stuck in the ER all day and people won't help her. Plus, they're not native English speakers, so that probably doesn't help matters. Poor Mustang - here he is, can speak English, a doctor, and he's another state away so he feels helpless.

He called me to vent Tuesday night. I tried to listen and help the best way I knew how:

I brought over some Speedy Wok.

Well, that and I got a Mother's Day card for him (he's been too busy with work), checked flight info, and got him a CD and card for encouragement. And prayed for him.

Please pray for him, too.

And he said that he needs to bring his parents a picture of me - so hey, I guess my M bomb didn't scare him too badly after all.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I dropped the "M" bomb

So you've probably heard people call the f-word the "F" bomb. Very appropriate, I think, because it should only be used for really tense situations....thus needing to drop the bomb.

Last week I discovered its cousin, the "M" bomb. That's M for marriage. Trust me, I didn't mean to drop it - it slipped out! ARRRGGG!

The scenario:
I'm on my cell phone with Mustang. He's calling me as I'm walking up to my front door, making sure I got home safely from driving home after our date. It's about 11 p.m. on a school night. I am tired.

Disclaimer:
I'm not one of those people who's on the cell phone at all times. 1) On principle. I differ from my generation and I just think it's rude to walk through life with a phone attached to my head. Talking on your cell phone at a restaurant table...in the car with friends...bluh. Granted, if somebody calls, it's OK to answer, talk briefly & say you'll call them back. But entire conversations that leave the present party feeling awkward, I'm not a fan. 2) I can't multitask. Try as I might, and although my job often depends on it, I'm not best at this. It can be done but one of the projects suffers. Thus, when I'm on the phone, I don't do dishes, etc. I don't like to drive while on my cell phone. I'll sit in a parking lot if I get a call in my car. This is so I can concentrate on my phone call.

So back to the story:
I'm walking up to my front door, at night, no porch light on, digging for my keys, on the phone with Mustang. Conversation:

Me: "When I saw my grandma this weekend, she asked about my dates with you."

Mustang: "Do you think your grandma would have a problem that I'm brown?" (Remember, he's Indian, people.)

Me: "Ah, no. I have a cousin who's married to a guy that's Vietnamese. "

Mustang: Oh, so other people in your family have interracial couples.

Me: Yeah. And more than anything, GRANDMA WILL JUST BE EXCITED THAT I'M GETTING MARRIED.

Seriously, people. I really didn't even know I said it. I was unlocking my front door. In the dark. 11 p.m.

Anyone see Bridget Jones? Remember the scene where her boss (Daniel Cleaver/Hugh Grant) catches her on the phone, she lies & says she was talking to some famous author, and her boss says, huh that's weird, since he's dead?

Then it shows the F bomb written across the screen, conveying what Bridget is thinking.

That was me. Thinking the F bomb because I just dropped the M bomb.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Do opposites attract, or are we looking for ourselves?

Here's the thought I've been mulling around ever since I signed up on eHarmony. Sure, Dr. Whatever has his 29 magical characteristics that match us. But what is a match, in eHarmony's eyes? Is a good match a couple who are opposite so they challenge each other? Or is a good match a male & female version of the same personality?

There are pros and cons of both. On the opposite view, I could see how we challenge eachother.

For example, I'm an introvert and I naturally want to withdraw, especially in conflict. So I benefit from relationships with extroverts, who want to get everything out in the open and prod me into expressing myself. On the other hand, when I need solitude to rejuvinate, my extrovert pals don't understand this and take it personally when I want to be alone. My need for solitude isn't about having nobody around; it's about needing to be with myself.

So is it better to have a couple who's exactly alike? I'm not sure about that either.

Of course, you'd have a lot in common and you would communicate well. But on the other hand, you are so much alike that you feed off each other - and that could be negative. For example, my mom & I are very much alike, and if one of us is down, we bring the other one down with us. And Mustang & I have experienced this phenomenon ourselves over the past 10 days.

On a physical standpoint, people actually are attracted to other people who look like us. Such as cute married couples who look alike. There's actually scientific evidence of this. Here's another fun article that explains other measurable ways we are attractive: such as a hip/waist ratio of 0.7, which is the average for Miss America.

And if we try to answer my original question (attracted to opposites or ourselves) with real scientific research, then we have a winner: ourselves. Apparently there are tons of research that we look alike, have the same values, heck - even have the same metabolism (which is true - Mustang has the same weight/dieting issues as I do). I have learned from my crude internet research that all scientific studies say good relationships are based on people who are alike.

So there you go. Dr. Whatever and eHarmony are indeed following science. My 60 bucks was not in vain.